Nope, no better.
Jesus, why isn't there a .. oh, of course there IS. There is a pill for dat. Problem is I don't believe in taking those types of pills. Coming from a person who once let a magical street hobo stick his finger into her mouth, one would think I might not be too particular. But, you would be wrong. I can be very particular. Or just unravelled and confused.
Depression is like a heavy wool blanket, and it's not the nice heavy either, it's oppressive-heavy. Who am I to complain, I'm not doing chemo. The stuff I'm doing is not without side effects to be fair. Are they the long-term damage to my heart kind of side effects, liverkidneybraintillyoudie-side effects? No. And THATS why I suffer through the endless thoughts of "Am I doing the right thing?" "Is it too late?' "Am I ultimately going to die from cancer anyway?"- beCAUSE the other way is a dead end, and I know it.
This way is the harder road in every sense other than the pain of chemo. That's a big comparison. The reason I compare the two so often is because if I were a river, chemo is the ocean that I never want to reach. The oncologist is leading me towards that as if I am going to wake up one day and want to burn every cell in my body with poison. No fucking way will I. I would die in my bed up to my eyeballs in cannabis oil before I would EVER succumb to that pressure, uh-uh.
I have a headache, it's either the crying, or better news-I took too much Evo? Hmph. That's weird. My current oil is really dilute, so I have no fucking idea how much to take. It's literally like this: I'll take a tablespoon, wait, take another one, wait, another, wait.
Too much THC will cause a headache. That's just dandy, since I'm dying to do a coffee enema, that might clear that right out of there.
.
I was misdiagnosed at 30 years old being told I was too young for breast cancer. I now have stage IV cancer. I treat myself with alternative + western medicine. It's been an uphill battle all the way, but I have stopped to smell every rose and pet every dog I see. I've truly loved being alive.
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Naked butts get you read
This is a bathroom post. It's more like a toilet post. When I painted this bathroom (at night) was I sober? I know I was, but ...
There is no escape. Even when a person dies, they remain on earth. I guess.
Why do they keep making crystal deodorant? Because, it sucks. And, I'm the idiot who keeps buying it.
I wonder if the guy sitting on the bench behind me during yoga at Patagucci was looking at my folded and squeezed hoo ha when he thought I couldn't see him? Every time I did a down dog I looked at him from between my legs. He was always reading, except for this one time...
Did you know it's impossible to cry and swim at the same time? I've tested this out for years. It didn't work today either.
It's been said that during a person's lifetime they swallow 3 spiders. How in the fuck can anyone know that?
41,000 people die from breast cancer every year, when is it going to be my turn?
There is no escape. Even when a person dies, they remain on earth. I guess.
Why do they keep making crystal deodorant? Because, it sucks. And, I'm the idiot who keeps buying it.
I wonder if the guy sitting on the bench behind me during yoga at Patagucci was looking at my folded and squeezed hoo ha when he thought I couldn't see him? Every time I did a down dog I looked at him from between my legs. He was always reading, except for this one time...
Did you know it's impossible to cry and swim at the same time? I've tested this out for years. It didn't work today either.
It's been said that during a person's lifetime they swallow 3 spiders. How in the fuck can anyone know that?
41,000 people die from breast cancer every year, when is it going to be my turn?
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